Thursday, December 20, 2012

Thy Name is Vanity

Have you ever just looked so good that you continually stare at yourself in the mirror? I have lapped that mild-level of vanity and now I stare at the skunk stripe constantly.

Before I decided to stop coloring, I was looking in the mirror to see how noticeable the stripe actually was. I was paranoid those little silvers would be glaring in any light. But now that it's coming in inches, I can't stop looking in the mirror waiting for more grey to come in. I find myself stealing off to the bathroom throughout the day and hoping that no one will be in there so I can stare at it in a different light. I try to imagine what shade of grey or silver or pewter it will be.

Does this sound crazy? Abso-freakin-lutely!! I would mostly attribute it to standing behind my decision to stop coloring and standing up for myself. See when it's noticeable to everyone out there that you have a significant line of demarcation, then the whole world is making a snap judgement about you. If you think about it too much, you start to feel very self-conscious and a bit silly at meetings, special events, walking the dog, or even at the grocery store. And this is not something that is a quick progression or just a bad day, this is the next 21 months of your life. Granted, it's only hard for several months and maybe not even that.

I'm over 3 months in and it hasn't been hard for some time but I think it's because I made this experience into a positive thing. Trust, I will have bad days and I'll probably whine to anyone who will listen, but it's not today. This is an unveiling of a new me; an authentic, God-given me. Each day brings the promise of new light, new color, new growth. And it's all a surprise because I won't know the outcome until all the dye is cut off.

I think many silver sisters approach it this way and we are lucky to have each other for support. You never know when someone is going to zing you or doubt your decision so you have to defend yourself for you. You also have to really back your decision too. When someone you love asks if you're afraid you'll look so much older than everyone else it doesn't help to stand there with a stunned expression on your face, you really need to know your response to comments like that.

But since this is about vanity, let's get back to... me. Just kidding, but not really... :)

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