Tuesday, December 11, 2012

The Unspoken Question

Most women who go grey end up doing so in their 50s or later. Or so I think. But as I'm rapidly discovering, everything I know about silver hair is pretty much wrong.

When the urge to "consider" going grey cam over me, I started researching books- ANYTHING to ease the transition. I found two, one called Going Gray... by Anne Kreamer and another by Diana Jewell entitled Going Gray Looking Great. Those books helped me a lot by testing public perceptions about silver hair and showing real, beautiful women who have gone gray/grey.

With this new found information I tepidly ventured out to announce my decision to go grey. My sister was fearful I wouldn't be able to advance my career, my hairdresser informed me how much older I would look and how limited my options would be in hairstyles. Ironically, a creative hairstylist could only think of one cut that would suit silver hair. But the unspoken fear of going grey was how that would affect my dating life.

There has been little writing on this, especially on a woman who is prematurely grey, single, and wants to start a family. So apparently my future was to be of a spinster with a low career ceiling, a frumpy haircut, and a knitting bag. Seeing as I love to knit, my fate was sealed.

Luckily I found the Silver Sisters club- a forum where hundreds, if not thousands of women post about their experiences going grey. This site has been a lifesaver for me in many ways but there are few single women on there. And the few that have announced their singledom are at a different place in their lives than I am.

Now I have never been known as "the norm" before and always had different ideas about how life should be, but I wasn't sure that being the only singleton my age with silver hair wasn't just closing the gates forever on any hopes of having a family of my own.

I'm still not sure and that is why I'm doing this blog. Ideally, I would be an expert dater with legs to the ceiling and a body Victoria's Secret models would envy. Yeah, I'm not that girl. Truth is, I'm a good date and I have a good time, but I hate the energy expended to get the dates. All the joining, the matching, the idle chatter... not to mention weeding out the exponential number of frogs out there.

Ugh. But, this is a social experiment, and a huge growth for me so here goes!


  1. Jill.. I just read the new post.. nicely done.. just one small item I would comment on if you dont mind.. who says 38 is prematurely gray??? you are going gray when your body decides its time.. not before.. not after.. nothing premature about it... you are right on schedule!! It is that blasted preconception of society today that still has you in its grip saying that anyone under 80 shouldnt be gray and if they are.. its premature ....

  2. You are right, Lisa! I think I'm still in this old mindset that only elderly ladies grey and that I have to come to terms that I'm not young anymore because of my own silver. The Silver Sisters have certainly taught me that this isn't true but for some reason I associate my own grey with a loss of youth. I like being called out on this because you just provided me with another aha moment.