Green Broke

I grew up around horses and horse people. In fact I was helping to break horses from the age of four. My Grandpa would start the wild horse on a lead, then put a saddle on him/her, and when they got used to the saddle, well the next logical step was to put on an uncombed 4-year-old tomboy. Immediately I would be thrown and just as quick I was expected to get back on, ride for a few minutes, then my Grandpa (the real expert) would take over.

So growing up around horses and breaking horses we always left them a bit on the wild side, or "green broke." I often define this as the horse knows the rules but he may just buck you off for the hell of it... or rub you off on barbed wire... or run like lightening toward a low-hanging branch.

Anyhoo, I have often (and still do) use this term to describe myself. It's a bit more appropriate than you'd like to think. I also used this analogy before my sister's wedding: we were always considered Grandpa's wild ponies and those ponies choose who rides them; no one breaks their spirit.

As I was straightening my hair this morning I looked at those crazy little new growths and thought, "Damn. Green broke." They're no longer wild little forest children, they've been beaten into submission enough to know the rules. That doesn't mean they don't just stand at a 3 inch attention straight out of my scalp. Little bastards.

A while back I showed how to train the cowlick (which Auto-correct turned to 'Catholic' and henceforth I received the first hits from some Middle Eastern countries I had not before seen on here). I used a blow dryer to tame them. But to tell you the truth, I hate blow dryers. It takes FOREVER to dry my hair and since I want to curl or straighten it, I only want to do styling damage once. Now I have learned the art of using barrettes to tack down these crazy cowlicks to each side so they won't rear up on me.

It works and as you can see from this photo, shot at 5.20am nonetheless, that those wild little spurts of new growth you get when you stop dying your hair DO eventually grow up. That's a great benefit to not coloring your hair- you gain a lot of new growth. My hairline came down a full inch. They come in standing at full attention but eventually do behave. My wispies are only teenagers right now but I do hope that, unlike me, they grow out of their green broke stage and become well-behaved adults.

Graduated!! Class of 2014

Today is my two-year anniversary of when I stopped coloring my hair. Yesterday I went in and just asked that the remaining dye be cut off. That left me with a shorter bob than I would have liked but who cares?? I'm dye-free!!!

Two YEARS??!!, you may be asking yourself but that was what it toook me to get through my journey. Each woman (or man)transitioning has their own way to do it. I never recommend someone stop  coloring their hair (although it's harder to bite my tongue when they clearly have a dangerous allergic reaction or thinning hair), but there are so many ways to do this: buzz cut, skunk stripe, highlights/lowlights, layers, curls, etc. 

My transition was inadvertant highlights. I had my color stripped to reduce the damarcation line and it redeposited color on my virgin hair. So it took longer but only a hair stylist could see the line. I knew it was there though and it bugged me. 

But even though I crave long hair again, I happily traded that for dye-free hair. I did not have a great stylist and did not get a great cut but right now I'm celebrating the graduation. I love my hair color and texture now. I love the crazy waves and curls it does. I may tame them into submission (for those days that I don't want the world to think a squirrel is nesting in my hair), and I may fight frizz in the DC humidity. But so what? I accept my hair with all the flaws it has. 

I think that has been the best thing about this transition- I simply accept myself and others- flaws and all. I feel sorry for those people that are hell-bent on perfection. You'll never find it. And if you did, how boring! I look at my dog, a seeming princess with delicate ways. But no, she barks at everything: the hated squirrel nation, a blade of grass, or simply because I'm on a conference call reporting out across the nation (seriously, EVERY time). But I love her as she is. 

As for myself? I have a tendancy to over-analyze, to have too many fleeting directions, and I tend to say exactly what I think regardless of whether the timing or situation is appropriate (it seldom is). But yet I love myself too and accept that I am a very flawed human being. Not everyone is going to like me and not everyone is going to like my hair. That's okay, they don't need to. If you can get to a point of self-acceptance and acceptance of others, you have won considerably. 

Many ladies as well as myself really got there by embracing ourselves for exactly as God made us. This includes the grey. But instead of being ho hum we decided that there is beauty in it and we celebrate the sparkles and muted dove tones of our grey. We also envy others' arctic white while still loving our own unique blend. Your natural hair blueprint is as individual as your fingerprints and this should be a celebration-- of you. Here is my 24-month transition in all its glory and shortcomings:

It's been a long time coming but I am so happy to close this chapter and start a new one. Now it's all about growing my hair out and getting the right cut. 

21 Months

My 21-month anniversary came and went but I was too busy enjoying life. I arrived in DC three weeks ago and I haven't really stopped running. From unpacking and figuring where everything goes, SPRING CLEANING and getting rid of tons of stuff, dating (seriously what am I thinking? Three first dates in one week?!), and a super busy job. Whew!

So it's no real surprise that my anniversary would come and go without a blink. The thing is I always thought that the 21-month anniversary would be my graduation and I would emerge this fantastically silver muse. But I'm nowhere near graduation and I've sort of just looked upon this as every month and every cut I emerge lighter than the month/cut before.

It think that's a healthy way to view this as it's not a contest. There are so many ways to go through this transition. My color-stripping added more time. The dingbat stylist that burned my hair added on more time. This happens and it's life.

So on my anniversary I had more important things on my mind, such as my good friend, Lindsey's wedding. I've known this girl for several years and I just think the world of her. I was there when she was single, going through heartbreaks together, to when she and her now-husband fell in love. Now I get to be there at their wedding and what a privilege that is!

Lindsey is 10 years my junior and Kevin 15. I knew the age of the guests would include the parents in their 50s-60s and a lot of Millennials. However the only thing I cared about was seeing my friend and looking my best for her. So I wore a new dress bought just for the occasion (thank goodness all this walking slimmed me down enough to put it on), did a rare full blow-out on my hair, straightened it into place, and really worked on getting the perfect upper eyeliner.

Voila! Here are the results. When I walked in I was the only person who didn't know anyone and I certainly wasn't going to try to commandeer the wedding party's time. I also was one of the few silvers with no one in my age group. But you know what? I still felt pretty. I felt my own unique Jilly brand of pretty. I think we should all strive to feel this way about ourselves every day. Not the Jilly brand- aim high to your own brand-- you know what I mean.

It was a beautiful day and I'm not ashamed to admit the number of times I became teary over my friend's happiness. There are few greater joys than witnessing your loved ones' joys and happy moments. So as my friend's wedding was around my 21-month anniversary, this pic will have to do. It may not show off my silver as well as some, but it shows off my happiness even better.

New 'Do

Thank you for the comments via Cafe Gray, email, and the blog. It was a resounding vote to grow the bangs and cut the length. 

Before I was having a bad version of a Mrs Brady do replete with flipped ends and bowl helmet top. Cutting off some of the layers and growing the length has already seen less frizz and *gasp* an actual style!

My hairdresser told me that I still have  about 4" of dyed hair on the canopy but it is so blended that only a hairdresser would be able to see it. Although that's a long way to a resounding graduation it does mean that my hair will continue to get lighter and lighter. So exciting! 

Here's a quick pic before I jet off to run some errands. You can see how much lighter my hair is with just a trim:

Frizzy Friday

In my quest to avoid the hard stuff during my move to Washington DC (i.e. sorting, donating, purging, cleaning, etc.) I have decided to post more than usual. In fact, I'm trying to procrastinate through this post just so I won't have to go through closets and I can watch old episodes of Monarch of the Glen.

Today I am writing about the annoyance of frizzy hair. I currently live in a swamp- Southern heat followed by heavy humidity. Yes you get dewy skin but the hair suffers. I really don't know how I survived it last year with short hair. In a couple of weeks I will be moving to DC- slightly less heat (very slightly) with an impending thunderstorm every night. Sigh. I hate Summer. Although my hair is not as frizzy as it once was, it is finer hair now so there is a frizzitude or shall we call it, frizz tendency? Here is a picture of what this humidity is doing to my hair. Ugh.

Okay I need help and fast. This is what happens to hair (that was just FLAT IRONED this morning!!!!) when one lives in humid cesspools of air that you must swim through. Anyhoo... what in the world should I do with my hair?!

I am at a point where I have no particular style. You can see on the right side of my hair that there are bangs that are growing out (my fault, I got scissor happy). You can also (kind of) tell that my hair is not completely devoid of leftover dye. I have up to 3 inches in the back but since it's in the back, I don't care too much.

Now, should I get a trim and let the bangs catch up? Or should I bite down on the leather strap and wait it out a bit, depending on the pony tail as my default hair style? Bear in mind that I have a wedding to attend in a month and I'd like to be able to dance and have a great time, not worrying that my hair looks like a giant q-tip.

So in my utter shock that there are people that read my blog, I am calling on you to advise me on my current hair situation. Post suggested hair styles, comments, suggestions- I need them.

A Game of Thrones Analogy

My last name is Stark and I've always loved my surname as it means Herculean strength. But now there is a whole culture out there that loves my last name too. They fall into one of two categories: the Iron Man crowd or the Winterfell crowd. The Iron Man crowd liken me to the secret wife of Tony Stark. You mean Robert Downey Jr? Hell yeah!! I can get on board with that. The other group sees me as Winterfell's heroes the Stark family. You mean a royal family with direwolves and Jamie Sives playing Jory to serve me? Hell yeah!! I can get on board with that too.

Season 4 (FINALLY!!) is coming out tonight and since I have to somehow relate this to greying and dating (aside from dating Jamie Sives- yes, I have my OWN fantasy version of the series), I am going to use the Game of Thrones approach to explain how I feel about the greying process.

Anyone who has read or watched the HBO version of this George R R Martin series knows that there are unpredictable twists and turns, and it has become an epic story. Oh gosh, I am such a nerd. In fact I'm nerdy enough to have superimposed my photo on top of Catelyn Stark's. In fact I'm kind of loving this silver against the pelt and think I need a faux fur version to keep... Here are some main themes I see in common with Game of Thrones and growing out the grey:

Who do you trust?
In GoT (I'm really not going to spell out this series each time) you find from your first betrayal that no one can really trust anyone. So far the direwolves are faithful but who knows what's to come in future books- maybe the wolves will turn after all. Sansa is betrayed by everyone, Eddard is killed early on (how do you kill off the main character??), and even Jon Snow doesn't know whom to trust. This also happens very early on in the greying process- your closest friends and family turn on you when they realise you're serious about this decision. Husbands get surly, parents become condescending, and best friends become flat-out rude. I think I might prefer Jory's sword in the eye to some of these snarky and cutting comments I've received. Fortunately, they have been far fewer than the hundreds of accolades, compliments, and support I've received so I'll live to see another adventure.

The twists and turns
One never knows what to expect next in GoT. Will there be a new religion? Will there be Whitewalkers and Others? Will there be some new sort of shape shifter or beastie? Honestly, I couldn't imagine some of the things that Georgie comes up with. This is also true with grey hair. From month to month I have no idea what to expect. I take a picture on my anniversary each month (the 4th) and when I look at the signature line of all 15 photos I see radically different hair. Some months it looks more taupe, some it looks like two wide silver streaks surrounded by a back of pewter, and still others it looks moonlight. Let us not mention how fluorescent lighting makes it look- ick. I still have no more idea how the ending of my hair will be any more than I know how GoT will end.

Alright, let's end this story already!
There's a point in GoT when you're screaming at George to just get to the friggin' point already! I no longer care about Daenarys and her damn dragons and I sure as hell don't care about any of these new characters in book 5. All I want is for Tyrion to triumph and Arya to snuggle her direwolf (minus my imagined scene of the direwolves going on a human-killing spree). This is also the most essential feeling of the greying process- get to the friggin' end already! My patience is tested time and time again, but lately it's getting downright hostile. I don't want anymore twists and turns, I want to see the final result. Because even when I'm done, there's all this time to adjust, re-evaluate my wardrobe now that I'm a completely different color scheme, and really own my silver as part of my identity.

However, much like GoT, I can't just stop. Even though I'm bored as hell with the greying process and I'm bored as hell with GoT after book 5, I just can't stop. I'm too far in. I'm too invested. And even though I will graduate long before George Martin writes a chapter for book 6, I will still see many more twists, turns, and adventures with my grey. At least I know I have one happy ending to look forward to.

Winter Blues and Target

I am dedicating this post to my friend, Llynn. She is in a dreaded grow out stage. You know when people (i.e. Moi) tell you that after 8 months it's all downhill? Okay that's PARTIALLY true. At the 8-month mark you are less aware of the stripe and it feels easy breezy. And then month 8, week 3 arrives and you find yourself cursing like a sailor which, contrary to popular belief, does not actually help your hair grow.

Now Llynn has been smart to just let her hair grow out. She started out brunette and those ends have since faded revealing some GORGEOUS silver coming in (see pics below- gorgeous!!). She already has soft, (what the Gilmore Girls would call) shiny Harvard hair. So the silver really is smooth and silky.

Llynn is at her 12-month mark and Happy Anniversary!! She is also going through the Winter blues and feeling like her hair is looking more dingy (note din-jee not deen-gee) than fabulous. Let's look at some factors here: we’ve had a long Winter and have all been on a weather rollercoaster for heaven knows how many months. It's April and we're expecting snow again. Where are we, Colorado?? Llynn also identified another enemy to silver hair: indoor fluorescent lighting. If it’s Winter and you only go out to get the shopping done then you only see yourself under these harsh yellowing lights. No wonder we feel sallow!

With Llynn her ends are blonde-to-light-brown so the stripe isn’t as harsh. The downfall is that the blonde casts an overall yellowed effect on her hair. The pic to the right correctly shows how fabulous her silver is (see right) but the wrong lighting will reflect those dyed ends back to the roots. With a higher contrast of dyed to virgin grey (such as black) the hair may look more pewter or more white, with red the hair looks more taupe and peach.

So what do you do to freshen and lighten up the hair a bit? I suggest getting a trim at this point of the process. You don’t have to cut inches upon inches off but even ONE little inch and you’ll reveal a lighter shade. Every new month and every new cut reveals a slightly lighter, slightly more radiant version of silver.

HOWEVER if you're still on the fence of whether grey is right for you, why not do a wash-out rinse? Now I'm not an advocate of dye nor am I against it but I've seen a lot of wobbles and a lot of regrets with hasty decisions. That's why I don't recommend a major cut or permanent hair dye. There are temporary rinses that are supposed to shampoo out with every wash (note that this will not work for you if you are allergic to dye). Roux Fanciful is the one I know of (don't use the mousse but just the rinse). Take a sample of hair and if you don't want to cut a sample of that hard-won silver, take some spare from your hairbrush. Soak the sample in some Roux and let it dry over a couple of days. Also, keep some un-Rouxed hair for a later comparison.

Now shampoo the Rouxed sample- did it totally rinse out? Is it slightly tinted? If you wash it with baking soda or purple shampoo is it still tinted? If you answered yes then put the Roux away. If it washed out, why not try it on your hair and see if you like that better than the silver? Remember to look at yourself on a bright sunny day and compare before or after (pics are a great way to do this). This will direct you in your next decision.

My guess is that you’ll see how the silver plays with your skin tone and compare it to the temporary color-washed look and you’ll determine what you like better. After all, the choices you make should be what you’re comfortable with, not something that you do to make others happy. Llynn is one of my favorite people on Café Gray (and that says a lot). Her support and cheers have been invaluable through my grow-out process. So next time you see Llynn (you’ll know her, she’s a gorgeous woman and very petite at that) you will see a beautiful advocate for the silver sisters. Make sure to congratulate her on her 1-year anniversary!

14-Month Itch

It’s my 14-month anniversary today and it feels pretty great. Long gone are the days when I worry what someone thinks about my hair. It doesn’t occur to me that anyone could think anything but, “WOW! What a stunning shade of silver you have!!” Is this accurate? Who cares! I love it and I’m not looking back.

And although I no longer worry about the painful skunk stripe period, I DO have impatience to see the final result. It’s an urban legend that you can look at the roots and know your greying pattern or what shade you will be. There are a million shades of grey (not just 50!) and it varies from moonlight to pewter to sterling, etc., etc. So even on the eve of your final graduation cut you have no true idea what your final result will be. 

I have heard this tale time and time again. Because of this I finally stopped trying to guess my outcome (sort of). I’ve seen many sisters on Café Gray and was just as surprised by their final outcome as they were. Some looked lighter, some more of a vanilla, some looked darker. The point is that you won’t know until there’s nothing for that grey to reflect off of. 

As a child I was an anomaly. I never wanted to search for the hidden stash of Christmas presents, I loved the surprise. One morning I came out to the breakfast table and saw a wonderful little Snoopy and Woodstock vanity mirror. I was so excited (and slightly befuddled) as to why I would get a present for no reason. My mom saw me playing with it and immediately got mad because she thought I had snooped around and found it. When we realised she had forgotten to hide it, we were both equally upset: she because she gave me a present before Christmas and I because I had one less surprise. 

You would think I have the same feeling about my hair; that I don’t want to ruin the surprise- you couldn’t be more wrong. I am annoyed that I have no idea what I’m going to look like. I get SUPER annoyed when the ends reflect on my virgin hair and someone mistakes me for blonde or sandy brown. I get annoyed that my bathroom light changes how grey my hair looks from day to night. I get annoyed that I have no real ending date for graduation (will it be 18, 21, or 36 months?). And I am also annoyed that this is one of the few forums I can whine about it because the rest of the world’s priorities are slightly marred and they don’t find my daily hair growth a discussion as fascinating as it is! 

Reality check- yes, this is something that most people don’t see as very interesting or important. But it actually is a very big deal if you’re going grey. You are choosing to delve into so many unknowns. You don’t know how people will react, how many completely inappropriate comments you will get about your hair, whether the silver will suit you, and will you even like the end color? Once you’ve invested this much time you really just want to fall in love with the results. 

This is a tricky stage because I’ve been excited about this from day one. I stood up for myself and my grey, I’ve fought through that awkward skunky stage, and I’ve ventured out and tried all sorts of things to welcome my grey. After all, I’m writing this blog, I’ve changed my makeup and wardrobe, I tried short hair, I updated my outlook to style, I’ve been open and honest and accepting of who I am. And when you’re in a culture that only values youth, there’s a layer of vulnerability that goes right along with that same pride. 

So this is a pretty big deal, and a pretty big stage. It will be several months before I have enough length to trim off more of these ends. But in the interim I can celebrate the milestones I’ve undergone, and they’re quite a few. I may still be impatient to see the results but it will be a very welcome gift when it finally gets here.

Candy Corn

I love Fall. There, I could just write that one little sentence and it would sum up so much about me. I Love the cool weather, wearing jackets, all my knitted goods, the Autumn colors, how happy my dog is that she's not panting- everything! Fall is also the time for woodfire-scented candles, apples, and Halloween. 

If you're American and not Southern Baptist you really do up Halloween. Preparing for trick-or-treaters, watching all the scary movies, planning your own costume, carving pumpkins... the list goes on.

I've always loved Halloween and seeing how a Tim Burton movie really speaks to me, one does not have to wonder why this is one of my favorite holidays. I also love Halloween candy. I love the Smarties, mini-Snickers, candy apples, and popcorn balls. But when I grew up there were some sick puppies out there that gave you candy corn or that weird peanut butter congealed mass wrapped in orange or black wrappers. Ick, I still inwardly shutter at the thought. 

 It is this memory of corn syrup candy corn taste that makes me think of when I was still coloring my hair. I would go to the salon and hope they got the color right. When the roots grew out I had an intensive red conditioner that would dye the roots somewhat close. And when it was time to really cover those roots I had my Frederick Fekkai 6R and I would use half the box (it costing $30 a box) to dye the roots and then unevenly zhoojh it through the overall color.

I was always under the impression that people saw a ginger and her rebellious mane. I thought that until my Priest came up and commented how cool my hair looked, "Wow, that's really neat. How did you get your hair three different colors? The lines look perfect!" His innocence was marred by the horror-stricken look on my face. I had no idea I was strutting around all these years with a head that looked like candy corn! And on top of that my hair photographed traffic cone orange for the church directory. Ugh. 

I still go to this Church but now have nearly 7 inches of natural silver. Last Sunday I looked around at all the 300 heads of female hair. More than 90% dyed their hair and those that didn't were either teenagers or less than a handful of women in their 70s. Now my church is mostly Mediterranean and maybe this is a cultural thing to a degree but when I looked at the heads of hair in that church I did an honest assessment. The teenagers that dyed were doing that ombre effect and the ends were not blended well and looked scraggly. Most women went for dark color that matched the hair of their youth making their skin highlight the signs of aging and looking way too harsh against their face. Other women decided to go blonde which if you're not naturally blonde often looks strawlike and yellow against your skin. Most were single-process colors and the years of bleach made their hair a fire hazard. And then there is the worst haircolor- some sort of peachy-blondey-taupey color. It's the color of flesh and for some reason the color of choice for White Anglo Saxon Protestants.

I also looked at the handful of good dye jobs- those that still had some shine and bounce, were multi-dimensional, and coiffed. Not all of these were the right color for the woman and seemed too dark but then you see a woman who could really rock the red or had a lush brunette mane. It was nice but a whole lot rarer than I ever would have thought. And then I saw the burgeoning skunk stripe on these good heads of hair and I really felt their pain of being on the dye treadmill.

The list of "DON'Ts" above is exactly where I fell in when I dyed my hair. My hair was always single-process color, dry and frizzy, and held shine for less than an hour after I styled it. I had a hate-hate relationship with my hair. I wanted to love it and finally embraced being a ginger after a lifetime of wishing I had long straight sable hair like my family. By this time I was probably more of an ash brown with silver so the red gave my complexion a sallow hue.

It's kind of a sudden urge to become silver, at least it was for me. There was never any musing about it or saying "one day I'll be silver..." no, I never expected to stop coloring. And now? I see any change to my natural color as a significant decline from what I have. Why would I downgrade?? I have gorgeous layers of variegated silver, pewter, pearl, and sable hues. I now find women in Church staring at my hair while the wait in the Communion line. I have no idea what they're thinking, whether it be positive or negative. But I do know that they no longer categorize my hair in their ranks- it's something unique and different, sparkling and shining from health. I also know that my next Church directory photo will show a stunning head of hair and that's more than enough for me.

A 12ish Step Program

Happy Anniversary… Me 

What date is bigger than a major birthday and/or a paid holiday?? Why it’s the anniversary you gave up hair dye of course! September 4, 2012 was the last time I ever dyed my hair and I remember how much I loved my rock star ginger. I certainly never thought it would be my last time to dye my hair. But now a year, *gasp*, a year! has passed and there are so many lessons that I’ve learned along the way. 

Granted, it is so much easier when you have the Silver Sisters forum and constant cheerleaders, but still one year is an absolute milestone. “Aren’t you done yet?” you might ask but no, dear ones, I have at least 6 more months to go. However it’s been a downhill challenge for some time and only getting easier as the weeks progress. Now I’m just focusing on getting some length back (my longed-for ponytail) and snipping off ends a bit at a time. 

I think everyone who goes through the process of growing out their grey has a similar experience and I’ve observed the following patterns. I think you get over the initial questions, “Why can’t I just dye my hair silver until it grows out?” and the realisation that “WHAT??!! It will take TWENTY-ONE months before I have this length and fully grown out hair??!!” At this point you see that it’s going to be a process. 

Even if you buzz cut it all off in the beginning, you’re still going to have the same mental transition time. If you go super short then you have to determine if you like short hair or go through the slow grow out process AND you simultaneously have to get used to yourself as silver. This shock has caused many a silver sister to run straight for the dye. Usually it’s either of two scenarios: they don’t like the hair length, or the shock of both of these changes at the same time was too much to handle. Many start over the process a few months later. 

If you go through the long grow out period, you have the shock of Border Collie hair but you get excited about every new inch of growth. But then you have a long period of annoying, two-tone hair. I’m not saying one is preferable to another because both will have about the same time period of adjustment. When you fully embrace and love your grey as well as find the right length and style for you- well, that’s when magic happens. That’s when you become one of those women who gets constantly stopped on the street and becomes a muse for someone considering going grey. 

Because I saw so many of the same patterns I put together a 12ish Step Program of the stages we go through in the process of going grey: 

1- We realise that we are grey and might venture to change our identity (i.e. former ginger or former brunette...) 

2- We get excited about redefining ourselves as a silver sister but the rest of the world (especially our loved ones) seem to fight us on this 

3- We learn boundaries and stand up for ourselves and everyone gets on board 

4- We start getting compliments on our silver from all sorts of people 

5- We get impatient as f-- and muse over whether or not to chop 

6- In our impatience, we incorporate layers to blend the skunk stripe 

7- We now hate the layers because they hide and mute our grey 

8- We find a happy balance and grow our hair out or chop, depending on what the right style is for us 

9- We graduate and LOVE our grey 

10- We adjust to the grey-haired person looking back at us in the mirror 

11- We update our makeup and wardrobe to accentuate the grey 

12- We become a muse and inspiration and allow our silver to show our radiant selves 

I have discovered so much about myself in the process so far and though I still hope to meet my original date of Dec 2013 for graduation, the dates aren’t all that important. I really felt what this experience has done for me last night: I went to the Iron Maiden/Megadeth concert and I haven't seen them since I was 19 years old. Back then I was fixated on what everyone's perception of me was- my frizzy hair, my makeup perfected, my outfit, my figure, my movements rockin' enough. Yeah, I know and I'm only touching on the level of crazy that went on in my head. But last night I could care less; I had the time of my life and was just perfectly in the moment. My hair was as frizzy as Bruce Dickinson's or any of the musicians never before experiencing 97% humidity. I had the time of my life, I owned and rocked that silver, and I had more fun than I ever had at a concert. That's what freeing yourself from the dye can do- that's what this growing process CAN do- just free you to stop fixating on self-criticism and just enjoy life and enjoy being you. God bless, ladies. Have a fantastic day!

Peach Fuzzy

Are you experiencing a significant increase in the hair clogging your drain? The answer may be in coloring your hair. I, like my Sheltie, have always shed massive amounts of hair. I once had a landlord furiously hand me a drain trap for my bathtub because my hair had so badly clogged the pipes. Personally I think it was probably on the outs and I just sped up his repair time by a few years, but still.

When my mom came to live with me we had a running joke that I would sweep up daily masses of my hair and scold her (a pixied silver who never shed) about the amount of cleanup I had to do after she brushed her hair. "Good heavens, Mom! Could you PLEASE try not to shed buckets of long red hair?!" It never occurred to me that this amount of shedding wasn’t normal. And it really never occurred to me that it was because of I dyed my hair.

This also never concerned me because I have immense amounts of thick, coarse hair. But what about women who are thinning or have very fine hair? I notice this a lot, especially the elder women at church. Those that spend major bucks at the salon still have nice coiffed, two-dimensional hair. Those that have DIY kits have matte, coarse, and brittle hair. I don’t say this to be cruel but it is markedly different.

I also see the ELDER elders (women in their 70s +) and it’s not good. There really is a point where you should stop coloring your hair. Yeah, I’m all about rocking what makes you feel good, but it thins their hair sooo much. And then these dark colors only enhance their thinning hair. On top of that, too many decades and it doesn’t matter how much you spend on hair color it will look wiry and deep fried.

Now these pics I am showing highlight some NEW growth since I stopped coloring my hair. Yes! This is all new growth. I immediately had wisps like a halo all around my hairline and also several new other hairs cropping up all over. These “others” I like to call my wild little forest children because it took them a long time to tame and they really had no idea which direction to grow so they just grew straight up. We’ve come to peace with each other and now they rebel infrequently.

This last pic is a massive chunk of new hair growth. It is my current cowlick conundrum. It’s a mass of silky white hair that has changed my hairline completely. Since there’s so much of it… well… it organized. It formed a coup and doesn’t want to behave according to my wishes. It has its own ideas and I’m not liking ‘em. When I hold a summit and get this chunk of hair to fall in line, I will post those secrets. But until then, the jury is out.

So if you are looking for another reason to let your grey come out, look at all the new hair you will be welcoming into the world! Since I stopped the dye my hair texture is so much softer, there’s more of it, and I shed very little. I can soak in the tub, scrub my hair, brush, blow dry, flat iron… and all I lose is about 4-6 hairs. My plumbing is finally safe and secure!

Hairstyles for the Awkward Grow Out

What do you do with your hair when it's in the in between stage? Okay, I'm asking because I really have no idea. I grew up in a family of women who had the "good girl" hair. I think Gilmore Girls referred to it as "shiny Harvard hair." This hair is fine, super shiny, may have a slight wave to it, and barely needs a brush to make it flow like satin.

One would think that a trace of this beautiful hair would be passed to me but one would be wrong. Instead I was born with coarse, super curly hair with a texture not unlike a horse's tail. A slight humidity and *poof!* my hair would crinkle up into a cotton ball. Over the years I left heavy globs of conditioner in my hair and finally resorted to updos just to tame that wet hair into place.

It wasn't until graduate school that I learned about styling utensils that had super human heat. My friend, Sonali with her beautiful thick, Indian hair would sometimes come into class with it board straight. She opened a whole new world of possibilities to this awe-struck 29-year-old. It's nearly 10 years later and I am nowhere nearer understanding my hair and what all I can do with it. But I do have a great straightening iron!

And thank goodness for said straightening iron, especially with short hair! My hair is growing (or so say my friends) and with that mean odd little coiled curls at the nape, the layers on top being extra poufy (giving my head an overall cubic shape), and requiring heat to flatten the hair out as much as possible. Bob Ross is calling to my hair and I just refuse to answer.

So here are a few styles I've come up with. They are categorized into four groups: lazy, headband, clipped, and quirky. My lazy look isn't really lazy as it means extra time at the straightening iron. You can just see hints of the grey and this is my taupe-y look, hence my least favorite. I wear this on days when I just want to blend into the background of society. Sunglasses on top of my head is a staple for the South and since my eyes are sensitive, act as both a shield and a ready headband.

This next series is the headband look. I have loads of these and substitute scarves in there as well. If I'm especially missing my mom I'll wear one of her scarves. These two that I picked out are cool because they're both made out of kimonos. The one on the left is a silvery bird out of a former silk kimono and the one on the right is a series of three braided headbands made out of former linen kimonos. I wear this look when I'm a bit lazy but want my hair to be the main accessory to my look. For instance I'll wear the blue-silver headband with a cute raspberry dress.

Next up is my clip look. I do this when I'm missing my silver and want to ensure that it didn't just go away. Besides, when you have awkward hair grow-out, this is the easiest look to accomplish and still feel a bit polished. The one on the left is simple pulling the sides back and the middle look requires a little extra time at the straightening iron and is pulling the top sides back. The last look is called fishtail braiding and is super easy. We used to braid the horse manes like this and I feel like they are good muses for me. All you do is take a small section at the part, divide into two pieces and then pick up a small piece of hair under and twist. Clip back when you're done.

I saved my favorite for last. I call it anime pigtails. This came from a combination of my secret desire to be an anime character, a sigh of relief when my co-worker THOUGHT she wouldn't see a ponytail out of me for many moons (ha! showed her), and the look of abject horror-turn-resignation on my sister's face when she realised that I was going to go out in public like this. I wish I could go off to work like this and am half-tempted. Say what you will but you can see all my pretty silver AND it can't help but make you smile. I first put my hair up like this when I had a bad day at work and was in a foul mood. I had a cello lesson and didn't want to be in a poopy mood and bring down my teacher. So I took a time out, put my hair in piggy tails, then relaxed into a great mood. I sent a pic to my sister (also having a particularly poopy day) and it cheered her up as well. Luckily my teacher is used to oddballs and this didn't seem to phase him in the least.

So there you have a series of hairstyles from a painfully inexperienced gal. Eventually, I'll learn the Curly Girl method but in the meantime- Grow, Hair Grow!

Grow, Damn You! (*explicit)

The first thing you should know about short hair is what your hair will do when it is short. Do you have fine hair with little body? GREAT! Short hair is for you! Do you have thick hair with lots of body and curl? Maybe not something you want for the rest of your life.

I am of the latter breed but I think regardless of who you are you fret over making your hair into something it's not. My mother was of the afore mentioned camp and she spent an hour every day curling every strand, teasing, and shellacking it into place. Then the humidity would hit and it turned withery and looked like a hairstyle I would want.

Mine is the opposite. I arise from a lovely slumber to a floret of cauliflower sitting on my head. I straighten and try to pin strands down so they will fall on my head rather than flagging 2" high. Albeit a current resident of the South, I have no desire to don pageant hair and do not ascribe by the words, "the higher the hair the closer to God." Those are not my words, but the words of some other fantastic smart ass.

That being the case, I remember with wistfulness the days where I would roll out of bed, run a brush and some smoothing cream through my hair and walk out the door. Truthfully, I like being able to hide behind a ponytail and pretend my slacker tendencies are a "style." But the Sheltie look had to go and I'm seriously glad I gave short hair another go.

Since this is my playtime for hair I went on Pinterest and looked up interim hairstyles. This way I can get excited about every stage in the grow out. One woman posted on Cafe Gray that she couldn't find enough cute hairstyles for grey hair. I ask you this: when you are a blonde, brunette, redhead do you look at hairstyles only for that hair color? Of course not! You look at hairstyles. Period (in case you didn't see the punctuation mark). So although I enjoyed rocking the asymmetrical bob, I don't agree with some hairstylists who think you can only go short or a chin-length bob with grey hair. You can do whatever the hell you want to with your hair. Grey is a hair color and it's a valid OPTION, just like red, brunette, blonde. Unlike most of the others it's a cool tone which immediately brightens your complexion. So let's explore the cool things you can do with it.

Looking at the pictures you can see a cute pageboy cut with bangs. So freakin' adorable! I can grow into that by late July. After going short you just want something that's uber-feminine and this cut just screams Audrey Tautou. The blonde cut will cry out to my autumnal need for a rocker cut. Autumn is my favorite time of year: it's my rutting season, the weather is cool, there's no humidity (!!!!!!!), and you get to wear cool boots and coats, and scarves (and all the stuff I knit throughout the year).

Finally for the winter I will be thinking holidays, dressing in reds and wanting to look a little less rocker and little more soft and pretty. This Katie Holmes look can be turned into soft waves or mussed for a cool girl look. So the only thing I have to do now is go to my hairstylist and have her teach me how to play with the hair I have now. After all, this should be fun. It's hair. It gets cut, it grows, it can be shaved off- it is a woman's ultimate expression. If you take one thing from this realise that it's not about the color of your hair or your age, it's what makes you feel gorgeous. So ladies, it's time we had a little fun.

 PS- please post pics if you have any suggestions for how to style my hair!

Drinking the Kool-Aid

There comes a point in the greying process- around month 8- that you're just freakin' fed up with the two-tone look. There are wobbles along the way but man! Month 8 is a bitch. At this point you're brave; you've rocked the Sheltie look, you've defended yourself amongst co-workers, friends, family, and strangers. So why not just cut the damn hair off already??!!

And if you're like me, you see so many of your silver sisters who are rockin' short hair, graduated, and looking fabulous. And, if you're like me, you want to be close to done too. This is not a decision to be entered into lightly, you can't just go into the salon on a whim and hack off your hair. Okay you can, but you will be more likely to go into apoplectic shock. Not only will you be SILVER but you will also have to redefine yourself by your haircut.

I took about a month and a half to two months to prepare. Judge me if you like but I drew inspiration from pixies like Katie Holmes and Victoria Beckham. I know, I know, but they really rocked their short looks! SO I talked to my stylist a couple months back and yesterday... this is how I came out... It kind of reminds me of my beautiful mom, who we lost last year.

I was a little panicky that my final grey is actually beige but I have to remember that I still have an inch and a half of color on the ends. That incha and a half reflects on my silver making it look beige. When I pull it up *SIGH of relief* there's the silver! SO who knows when I'm actually going to graduate but it WILL be before the big Silver Sister meet up in October.

 For any of you that are thinking about going short, just do it. It's kind of awesome and more than a little rock star. Know your hair type and look for celebrities with similar hair textures. I have THICK hair and so much of it. And although I had two muses for my cut, I had to look at pics with a similar cut from women who had similar hair types. Otherwise, I could have been disappointed.

If you think you can't wear short hair, you're wrong. If you don't like short hair, not a problem, you can rock the long hair and it will be awesome. I'm living proof that anyone can wear short hair. The last time I had hair this short I was in the 7th grade and in love with Prince. Sheila E had this cool short hair with a rattail. Sigh, I tried to copy her. It just looked like a Brillo pad with a dirty little rattail hanging off the back. Bad, really bad. I also didn't know what styling utensils and products were. Bad, really bad. Ugh, really bad. So I had a little trepidation on how this would turn out.

Also realise that this is day 2 of my haircut and since it's my Holy Week (any Eastern Christians know what I'm saying), I have had zero time to play with my hair and train it into what I want. Product is your friend, as well as a straightener. Spend some time playing and you'll get it down to a science (I'm almost positive).

At the end of the day just remember one thing- it's only hair. You are going grey, you are brave. You are rocking a skunk stripe, you are brave. You don't need to hide behind a ponytail. This is such a great time to try new things. I can't tell you, I didn't have a moment of regret. And let me also tell you, that's rare for me. Or maybe I should say, it WAS rare for me. Now I think it's just a part of the new me.

Color Lift Part Deux

There's a lot to this color lift so I'm going to spend a little more time on this. As I went into the bathroom to re-examine my grey in yet another light, I noticed that there were a few areas where there was red hair about an inch from the roots. The roots had more white. Oh no! I thought that the color lift had deposited some dye on my virgin hair. Damn! Seven months of grow out for nothing.

Not completely unlike me to jump to conclusions, I called Aveda up. The manager had me come in that afternoon so she could get a closer look. She said that there were a few spots where the red was further down but that it was my natural hair color. Apparently, all the greying has had me grey even more and there are spots that are getting lighter and lighter. I'm constantly going lighter. What the--? Does this mean that when I graduate from hair dye, I won't really graduate?? She further explained that hair color shows up differently and there was no hair color on my grey. I know my hairdresser took special care and she was so careful that this is why I have that darker stripe at my demarcation line. So whew! I am glad that the process was a total success!

This process of color lifting is not for the faint of heart. The chemicals contain a lot of peroxide so for all of you with ppd allergies, I'm afraid this might not be a good bet for you. The color doesn't rinse out but the peroxide formula penetrates the hair shaft and breaks up the color, sort of eating through the color. As I said in a previous post, one application of organic coconut oil and my hair was restored.

Even though it sounds like a harsh process, I look at the before and after of my hair and it's sooo much easier now. I really am not conscious of it when I go outside. I realise that writing a blog about your hair makes you a wee bit more obsessed with it than the Average Joe but it is making this transition even easier. I feel like I'm really starting to see what my color will look like when I'm all done.

Roux-fully Challenged

I did something I SHOULD have done several months ago: I went to a salon and had a color lift. This is the polite way of saying I had the salon strip out as much of the color as possible. This is not for the faint of heart because it is heavy on the chemicals and can make your eyes water. But it lasted for 10 minutes, cost $10 at Aveda, and with some coconut oil left in for 30 minutes (thought I was going to say 10?) my hair was as good as new. Except one thing- it's LIGHTER!

These are pics of me right before I went in to the salon, right after, and styled with Roux Fanciful rinse (I'll get into that in a minute). Disclaimer: I was going into the salon and wanted my stylist to know exactly what kind of tween tantrums my hair will pull if not whipped into shape, so she could suggest shorter styles. Lest we forget, I reside in the South: a swampy climate which ensures dewy skin and frizzy Texas pageant hair. Going to a short 'do is done with trepidation. So here is the 1, 2, 3 of my hair transition:

Several oddities came up when I saw my new hair. First of all, I was in mourning for my lost Sheltie look- now I wouldn't look like my puppy anymore. Second, and I know I should have come to terms with this long ago, I would never be a redhead again. Other than the occasional wisps of red hair I still have, my days as a ginger are done-zo. Also, my silver has changed completely; almost unrecognizable to me. I immediately jumped to the conclusion that some of the dyed hair must have gotten on my virgin hair and coated it. Against the dark red my grey looked somewhat pewter but against the blonde it looks redder. The jury is still out, but really I think my grey is just adjusting to reflecting the new color.


One question you might have is why the hair is so much orange-ier at the top of the dyed hair in Pic #2? This is due to the original hair nightmare- the craptastic ombre that I had dyed over. Apparently that cherry chocolate undercoating has now oxidized to a lovely shade of traffic cone orange. The second question you may have is why is there little-to-no improvement between Pic #2 and Pic #3? This is because I'm roux-challenged.

Roux-Fanciful is a rinse that perhaps your grandmother would know. I have seen silver sisters that have super light blonde ends and they use Roux to turn their blonde silver. I'm not exactly sure the extent of Roux because I can't seem to get it to work for me. I have tried it in Silver Lining and Tru Steel but to very little effect. I've glopped, combed through, sjoozhed (it's a word), smooshed and still failed.

Regardless, I am loving the change in the lighter hair. I feel like this makes the transition easier and my silver blends in much better with the blonde-ish color. Even though one of my favorite kids at Church said my hair was different, just a light orange *thud*, alas still it's better. And next up will be shorter hairstyles!

Sheltie Time

I have been absent for some time. Mostly this is because I have been VERY under the weather, due to the plague-like flu that swept the Northern Hemisphere. Finally after five weeks I feel I am starting to come beack to life.

I celebrated my FIVE Month Anniversary yesterday. What did I do? I had my work colleague take pics of me in the parking lot to show off my hair. This obsessive behavior is not helping me as I can't tell the true rate of growth in my hair. The Silver Sisters say I am growing very fast but it seems to have slowed to a lull in my opinion.

I went home and was snuggling with my Sheltie, commenting on what a pretty dog she was when I realised- oh my! I have the same hair as my dog! I have this white collar, auburn base, and black accents (the back undercarriage of my hair is black- when have I EVER had black hair??!!). See for yourself:

 There are worse things that can happen then to look like your Sheltie dog but I have to admit I will be happy to start looking like someone found more along the homosapien route.

Okay, so let's get on with how this is affecting my love life. It's not. If you want to know the honest truth, I thought the tri-tone effect would impact every area of my life. It doesn't. Men don't seem to notice and when they do, they look for growth progress. Other than the Silver Sisters, they are my biggest fans.

I have just as many likes (this is on the Match site) on my going grey pics as I have on my monotone hair pics. I know that Anne Kreamer did this experiment with her grey hair on Match. She had transitioned and had two profiles: one with grey hair and one as a photoshopped brunette (just photoshopping the hair). There was no difference, in fact she seemed to have more hits on the silver profile. But I wondered how that would apply to dating life when you're in the middle of transitioning.

I honestly think it's about your confidence. If I want to feel confident going out, I generally pull my hair back into a ponytail. There's still the crazy color  but pulled back there's this initial bright silver. I think it's stunning and I love to show it off. Do men care? Doubt it. It think I just radiate more confidence and that projects out. I've gone out the past few weekends with friends and no one at the bars seems to even notice. Sometimes my hair is down, sometimes it's up. I think they think I'm doing something intentional. Maybe I should just say from now on this is a very new look- the Sheltie look, and stars are paying big money to get this look. Hey, if Kelly Osbourne can rock lilac hair, I can rock the Sheltie.

Bad Hair Day

Remember those days of yore where you would be awoken by birds chirping, toss your hair, and barely run a brush through it to make it look perfect? Yes, that's because that reality only exists in our wildest fantasies. Still, I convince myself that I had those days regularly before I stopped coloring and when I'm having a bad skunky day.

When you have a skunk stripe and the snotty kid at CVS (who, by the way, won't sell a much needed Claritin because their system is down) looks at your ID and starts to say, "Is this you? It's your... oh... never mind then..." as she stares at your hair. Well, that puts one in a foul mood. I should have been snotty back (not a far stretch since my head was about to implode from congestion) and forced her to finish the snide comment.

Alas, this is my personal growth in 2013- dismal.

I began to get a little desperate knowing that I was all-out skunking it for a minimal of 12 months more. Since I cut off a lot of hair, I calculated the length and how much time it would take to grow out my hair. With average growth, we're looking at 1/2" a month. Mine seemed to have a growth spurt when I didn't want my roots to show and now it seems to have stopped growing altogether. Yes, I see no difference in length from month 3 to month 4.

I went online and asked Diane and the Silver Sisters what Roux-Fanciful rinse I could use that would turn my orangutan- colored hair a lovely silver. Silver Lining did nothing. Lightening my hair with calcium, baking soda, professional hair color removers- NOTHING budged my stubborn color. I took some of the suggestions and tried Black Rage from Roux. Nothing. True Steel. Nothing.

The fact that I spent the last week in sunny Florida where there is no lack of silver sisters only added to my jealousy that my roots have dug in their heels, and decided to not grow out. I stared at all the lovely silver locks and wished mine stood out. Since I am not a sun worshipper, having long ago acquiesced to my cave-creature white skin, I would feel like a knock-out with the silver hair. I would have stood apart from the deeply bronzed silver sisters of Florida.

But then another new day comes, and I see my roots (still not growing!) and there is spun silver, and sparkling pewter and I realized that this could be the best gift that God ever gave me- my own silver, and one that has a mixture of unique colors just for me. It's not January 2014 (my hopeful graduation date), but it's a start.

Thy Name is Vanity

Have you ever just looked so good that you continually stare at yourself in the mirror? I have lapped that mild-level of vanity and now I stare at the skunk stripe constantly.

Before I decided to stop coloring, I was looking in the mirror to see how noticeable the stripe actually was. I was paranoid those little silvers would be glaring in any light. But now that it's coming in inches, I can't stop looking in the mirror waiting for more grey to come in. I find myself stealing off to the bathroom throughout the day and hoping that no one will be in there so I can stare at it in a different light. I try to imagine what shade of grey or silver or pewter it will be.

Does this sound crazy? Abso-freakin-lutely!! I would mostly attribute it to standing behind my decision to stop coloring and standing up for myself. See when it's noticeable to everyone out there that you have a significant line of demarcation, then the whole world is making a snap judgement about you. If you think about it too much, you start to feel very self-conscious and a bit silly at meetings, special events, walking the dog, or even at the grocery store. And this is not something that is a quick progression or just a bad day, this is the next 21 months of your life. Granted, it's only hard for several months and maybe not even that.

I'm over 3 months in and it hasn't been hard for some time but I think it's because I made this experience into a positive thing. Trust, I will have bad days and I'll probably whine to anyone who will listen, but it's not today. This is an unveiling of a new me; an authentic, God-given me. Each day brings the promise of new light, new color, new growth. And it's all a surprise because I won't know the outcome until all the dye is cut off.

I think many silver sisters approach it this way and we are lucky to have each other for support. You never know when someone is going to zing you or doubt your decision so you have to defend yourself for you. You also have to really back your decision too. When someone you love asks if you're afraid you'll look so much older than everyone else it doesn't help to stand there with a stunned expression on your face, you really need to know your response to comments like that.

But since this is about vanity, let's get back to... me. Just kidding, but not really... :)