Monday, February 24, 2014

Relationship Ready

I often get asked if my grey hair has changed the type of guys that ask me out. The answer is, surprisingly, no. But no one ever asks me if grey hair has changed the guys I go for and the answer would be, surprisingly, yes. 

All the way up to a few months ago I was attracting the same mix: young pups in their early 20s, guys my age, guys older. Some were super cute, some held my interest as much as dry toast, and some with extended fingers held in a crucifix. I thought to myself what an odd and dynamic mix and was very afraid that all that would remain with my silver hair would be the dry toast undesirables. 

So I started this blog to put my shy self as a guinea pig and face the fears of potential rejection quite publicly. Well, I didn't think any but a few friends would actually read this but then I looked at the audience and was overwhelmed by the global viewing of my insecurities, dramatic blathering, and excitement I had over every inch of silver grown. Ironically, my friends and family don't read my blog but the hits keep coming all the same.    

I was not, as feared, left with just the dry toast but still the young pups, attractive men, older men, et. al. They still come. And then something switched. It took me quite awhile to figure it out but what switched was me. 

I am more comfortable in my skin 
When you are growing out a skunk stripe you deal with stares and you're conscious of every prolonged glance, passive-aggressive remark, etc. Finally you stand up for yourself and own it and the sheeple (sheep-like people) of the world fall in line. Already that makes you more attractive and you realise that even when you have two-toned hair men are attracted to you. 

I stand out 
Never have I had so many cheerleaders as I do now and they keep smiling at me and telling me how much they love my hair. Most people would think that completely weird but I think it's fantastic. How good that feels to have an army of cheerleaders rooting you on (no pun intended). Those constant boosts of confidence have edged out the last dregs of core insecurities because I have a team of men and women telling me more than ever how great the grey looks on me.

I am ready 
If you want to know what your subconscious is creating in your life, look at your daydreams. Mine were always of first encounters. That seems innocent enough but if I'm always thinking about the moment up to meeting someone, I'm focusing on my independence and my not being ready. Add to that the thought of anything long-term bringing instant panic, "Wait! I mean, let's not rush this daydream or anything, let's just take it SLOW (and never really get there)," and I was attracting like to like. I wasn't ready so I would attract the same. 

All of those men from the past were not ready- little 20-year-old pups who pursued me? Obvi not ready and sort of creepy that I could legitamately be a mother to them. Dry toast guys had an odd theme of clinginess and still holding on to the last ex that dumped them. And the highly-smoochable guys were more independent than even I am and always had some level of wall around them. I'll tell you this once you change and no longer need those guys lurking in the background, they start to contact you out of the blue. Hence the need for de-clutering my love life which I did a month or so ago. 

Now that I am ready for a truly committed relationship and looking to my next move North as being much more permanent, the guys I am starting to attract are also in the same place. I went out with someone a couple of weeks ago who is there too. He's open and honest, at a good place in his life, and is really ready for the next phase in his life. Am I interested in taking it to the next level with him? No, but I am very reassured that I am headed in the right direction.

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